I want to move back to college.

I heart you college!!! Maybe YOU were the greatest love of my life!

Dear Pennsylvania,

I am all tucked in bed after what was one of the most fun weekends I have had in months. I want to move back to college. It was so refreshing to hang out with MY friends from MY old life, when for the past year I have mostly been hanging out with your friends, some of which I have now claimed as mine:) Thank you for them!

When I got back home I felt really depressed, I went straight to Panera for a salad to avoid all family members. I needed space to be sad. I miss my old life. I miss New York - but mostly just the people in it. I wish I could collect all my favorite people from all over and plunk them some place wonderful where we could all reside.

I also am feeling very weird about seeing the double ex boy-friend. Of course I am looking for meaning behind it. Why has he re-entered my life now? Can you really truly be just friends with an ex - especially when you are both single? What is he looking for - what if we are looking for different things of have different expectations? Would I ever consider giving it another shot with him - am I even attracted to him? Clearly now is NOT the time, because my heart is still with you.

But he is an amazing person. He is interesting, has travelled the world, is kind and fun and exceedingly brilliant - almost too smart for his own good. Plus I can talk loud and he doesn't care. But I don't know that our value system lines up. I don't know him as an adult. I know him as a drunk, wild college student - I know him as the crazed NYU law student. But I don't know him now. Apparently he learned how to surf - what?!?!? He doesn't know me either. It would be so complicated. As you know, I always over-anazlye EVERYTHING. And I am feeling pathetic for even thinking these things. It's just what I am thinking, so I thought I would share.

If nothing else this weekend was so incredibly healing. I feel like I finally have some closure, 4 1/2 years too late is better than never.

Anyway - I am going to try to turn in early. This weekend wore this lady out.

Love always,

Wisconsin