I am stuck in Florida, feeling a dark shade of navy - more like black, as in the black plague

BREAK-UP NO BREAK-UP

Dear Pennsylvania,

Ther's a blizzard in Philly. I wish we were getting snowed in together. Remember all the snow we got last winter? I love being snowed in with you. I can imagine us playing in the streets together - throwing snowballs, me putting snow down your jacket - you throwing me into the snow banks. Then we would come in and make tea and watch a netflix. I love life with you. It's fun. Instead of snow balls and tea I am stuck in Florida, feeling a dark shade of navy - more like black, as in the black plague.

I am so depressed.....this is by far the worst it has been since moving back to Wisconsin. It all makes sense. I have managed to do pretty well, keeping myself busy (perhaps distracted) with the kids. I have established my own routine including class six days a week that allows very little time for wallowing in self pity. I keep busy on the weekends, visiting old friends. But now here in the sunless skies of cold Florida I am left with far too much time to think and am trapped in the company of people who I deeply love, but do not feel myself around. And right now I just want to feel like myself.

I honestly didn't leave the condo until we went to a 7:15pm movie. Thankfully I had about 4 hours of alone time earlier today. That helped. All I want to do is be alone. I can't understand how it is possible that I have crashed so incredibly hard into a black hole of misery and heart-ache. I can't shake it - no matter what I do I just feel like complete shit. Texting you somehow helps - even though it probably is making it worse.....though I can't imagine it being much worse.

How will I survive the week? It's just about the worst combination: cold Florida, family and a broken heart with way too much time to think sending me deeper into my dark abyss. OH! And joyful joy! Tomorrow Brother's Girl-friend arrives. So it will be couple central. And then we have to have dinner with Brother's Girl-friend's parents on Tuesday. Great. Can't wait. I love meeting new people when I am depressed.

"Hi, I am Wisconsin. My boy-friend, well excuse me, my now ex-boyfriend dumped me because he wasn't attracted to me, he became less and less attracted to me over time. He is not in love with me. "

I just logged onto my netflix account to see what you are watching. I kind of hate that you still watch my netflix account, only because I am forced to know what you are watching. I wonder if the PBS special on the Greek civilization was any good, I will never know. I don't want to watch anything you watch. I also hate that we still have a joint cell-phone account and when I paid the bill today it made me sad, really sad. Especially because the day we went to get that joint account you were so sweet - you were hugging me and the sales lady thought we were so in love. THAT WAS LIKE TWO MONTHS AGO. Fuck you Pennsylvania.

Seriously, fuck you.

I wish I wasn't so in love with you.

Love

Wisconsin