I want to get too drunk in Nashville with you and make fun of all the Southerners

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Dear Pennsylvania,

So I am missing you so very much. I am so very much in love with you. I am thinking about how much I wish things could be different. Here I am in the car on the way to Florida - somewhere in Tennessee headed toward the trip we were supposed to go on together. It would be so much more fun with you. You are the funnest person I know.

I love how much lighter of a person I am when I am around you. I love that you are a creative quirk like me - even more so. I love your brilliant sense of humor: dark and intelligent. I love that we laugh at the same things. I love that I just texted you about the “hope after abortion camp” commercial I heard back in Kentucky. I imagine that if we were together we would laugh out of disbelief and then look up their website on your droid. We would definitely stop for a drink in Nashville if we were together. I want to get too drunk in Nashville with you and make fun of all the Southerners.

I admit to over-analyzing our text exchange. Specifically:

W: The thing is I would rather be poor and be with you

P: I do love u and not foolishly....I think about it everyday. Time will tell.....

I don’t want to hang onto false hope. But I can’t let you go - this text message is a glimmer, and pathetically I want to believe in that glimmer. Some days are better than others. And then others, like today are harder. Much harder. I want to believe that snippet of our text exchange means you are changing your mind. That maybe there is a real possibility of us being together again.

I got another email from the double-ex. Like I told you I am helping him with his new apartment. The thing is if I were to be with him I could actually go on that culinary trip around the world. And it would be fun. Because he is amazing. But there is no one I would rather go on the trip with than you. You really know me. What we shared was real intimacy. I opened up to you more than I have ever opened. I couldn’t open up to him in the same way I do with you.

I want you back. Actually I don’t think that counts, since I always wanted you. I want YOU to want me back. I want you to be in love with me. I want you to realize that what we share is far more amazing than you even knew. I want you to want to spend the rest of your life kissing me and laughing the years away. I want you to come to Wisconsin and knock on my door. I want you to embrace me and I want to melt in your beautiful skinny, toned man arms. I want to touch your handsome face and feel your laugh shaking with mine. I want you to wrap your legs around mine while we watch movies. I want to wake up next to you because it would mean I would start my day laughing.

I fucking love you Pennsylvania. And I hate to say it, but all I want for Christmas is you.

Love

WIsconsin