Maybe I will be single, f o r e v e r .

Shit, is this my fate?

Dear Pennsylvania,

I admit to checking Chicago's weather today. Can't you just leave there already? I hope it rains on your head exposing your quickly thinning hair....sorry that was mean.

I think one of the hardest parts about breaking up in your late (late) 20's is the real fear of being alone. So many of my friends are coupled off, married off and producing offspring. They have houses and real jobs. Of course I have always been one to pave my own path, so I don't mind being "behind", but I still want those things someday. A husband, a home and some babies. My biological clock is ticking loud and clear, well let's be honest my clock has been ticking since I was like 8, but it is getting really, really loud. There is a fear that it might not happen for me. Maybe I will never get married and have all those babies I have dreamed of my whole life. Maybe no one will ever fall in love with at the same time as I fall in love with them. Maybe I will be single, f o r e v e r . (cue creepy organ music)

And then there is the idea of falling in love all over again, what if that doesn't work out either? How many more times can I withstand this terrible heart-ache before I just close up shop?

My mom mentioned something about my brother saying he is looking forward to a "boring life". In other words he is excited to settle down and have [the illusion of] stability. Easy for him to say, he just finished his Masters (yesterday - congrats!) and has a steady girl-friend with a PhD. My mom then asked me if I want a "boring life", hoping I would say yes. Ugh. Annoying. Sure Mom.... I would love to settle down and have babies. But I just got dumped. So no, right now I don't want a boring life. Instead I want to fill my heart with exciting new ideas, opportunities and travels. If what you really are looking for is grandkids, then ask my brother.

I am beat.

Love

Wisconsin