I can't talk to you anymore.

this is me. this is my vacation without you.

NOTE: I talked to him, again. This time the pain for out-weighed the happiness.

Dear Pennsylvania,

I shouldn't talk to you anymore. I don't even know why I thought I was strong enough to talk to you. Maybe I was in Wisconsin where my life seems to be in some sort of order. But not here in Florida where everything has crashed. It was a mistake to come to Florida. It was a bigger mistake to call you - especially today. I just feel so alone and you are the person who makes me feel like I am not.

I can't believe what you said about our relationship:

"we are like a beautiful house but with no floor, the foundation is missing."

I get it - YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH ME - THAT IS THE ESSENTIAL PART OF A RELATIONSHIP. But do you have to re-explain it to me in such a painful way? I don't need your fucking analogy. You don't think I get it.....I GET IT! I am CONSTANTLY reminded - when I walk down the beach and you aren't next to me, when I am alone cooking in the kitchen, when I am the only single girl at the dinner table. I get it Pennsylvania. We are broken. Our "foundation" is missing. We aren't together. You don't love me. You aren't attracted to me. Got it.

You also said that maybe if I would move to SF they dynamics would change and then who knows what would happen. Don't say that shit. Just shut up! Seriously!!!

I spend the majority of the day in bed. Crying because of you. I can't talk to you anymore. It hurts too much.

Love

Wisconsin