I promise to pay your mortgage off

NOTE: I started to feel really guilty about the blog and not telling him, so I emailed him. Here is the email:

Love,

I have a new blog - it's about our break-up. Don't worry, I changed your name. You are lovingly referred to as "Pennsylvania". I am publishing it anonymously. I posted all the unsent emails to you. And that one you sent me that made me angry (I hope that's okay). Peanut Butter gave me the idea (I am giving her credit, not placing blame) - since I email her these long winded-emotional emails. She says they are beautiful. I kind of agree. It isn't so much about you and me as it is about the process of mending a broken heart. It's my catharsis - complete with pictures. There is something tremendously beautiful within the grief of a break-up. In a way I feel the most like myself now, here in this lonely place. Also a bit of comedy considering how dramatic and emotional they feel.

And of course there is a little of my ego is involved. Peanut Butter sees a "book deal" in my crystal ball. I say after the book deal there will be a movie:) I promise to pay your mortgage off if it gets that far. I wouldn't bank on it though - considering my other blog has a whopping 13 followers.

It's fucked up but I don't want you to read it because what I said to you on the phone still stands true: I don't want you to know about my life. It's just humiliating to think of you reading these broken hearted emails that are about you when you don't even love me.

Are you mad?

I hope not.

I love you.

Wisconsin

PS

I wish you could have been at California's today making messy art with us. My painting looked more juvenile than the rest of theirs. I wish we could make more art together.

PPS

With your permission I would like to publish the email exchanges we have. But I won't if you would feel venerable and uncomfortable. I don't want to disrespect you, I love you. It's an expression for me - and a narrative of my life.