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I almost don't feel like writing you tonight. But I will, bc I think this is a good way to heal my broken heart. I must say that yin class was so very healing. I let go some deep sadness.....it is just gone. I feel lighter and more grounded.
I must say that despite my broken heart I feel like I am in a good place. Routine is back in my life - that is something that was lacking in my life with you. I think it drove both of us a little bonkers. I think it is important to have a rhythm to you life - a cadence to mirror your natural circadian rhythm . I do not mean do the same thing everyday - but I think going to bed at the same time, waking up at the same time and having yoga night truly makes a huge difference. I never felt like I could have a routine with you because you don't have one - and I felt if I had my own routine then we would never see each other. I kind of felt like if I didn't make the time for us, you just wouldn't care. That probably isn't true. But it felt like that. Again I think that most all of my issues with time etc come stem from you just not being in love with me.
I feel better about the break-up today. Just bc I am so much healthier emotionally with more routine and no anxiety about whether or not you love me. You don't. We are over. And that's okay. I love you. I think you are wonderful. But if you do not love me then you are not for me.
I am proud of myself bc I feel like I am doing my own thing and I don't feel like I am lost without you, rather I feel like I lost you. When College Boy-friend and I broke up - I felt lost. He was my world. Now I have made my own world. I like my world. I love hanging out with One and Three all day. It's a great job! Doing laundry, doing dishes, grocery shopping, hw monitoring, walking kids to school - it suits me so perfectly. I am very happy. And while I am obviously missing you - missing my old life, I feel like I am living my life. I am doing something that I truly feel passionate about. And it feels lovely. Hopefully this week is just the beginning of a wonderful time here with Uncle and the kids.
One and I made a whole roast chicken today, I thought of you. We stuffed it with thyme and lemon. It turned out quite delicious. You should try the recipe - Ina Garten.
OH! I almost texted you! Tonight I was the only person at yoga and I had the entire class to myself!!!!!! It was so amazing! People in Wisconsin are soooo nice!!! For so long I have concentrated on all the negative things about Wisconsin, but this time I promised myself to be open minded and accepting. It truly is making a difference. Well, mostly it is because I understand where to seek people who are like-minded. It was really funny though......yesterday in class this guy came in and was talking about hunting! Can you believe it - a hunter yogi! Crazy!
Anyway - I should get to bed, Uncle wakes up and 4am - and on M, W, F comes downstairs at 5:30 and runs on the treadmill on the opposite side of the basement. It wakes me up - but I don't get angry bc I am happy that he is doing that for himself. And hopefully next week I am going to get some curtains to put around my little sleeping area.
Anyway. I love you and hope you are well.
Love,
Wisconsin
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