I am sitting in a coffee house in Madison, feeling blue in the most content of ways, missing you - but less than usual and just trying to understand it all.
I actually had the most wonderful weekend. I got waaaaay too drunk on Friday with the double-ex, then woke up at High School Bestie's (HSBF) house incredibly hung-over. I swear the room was still spinning for half of yesterday. It was nice to get some alone time with the HSBF. We attempted to watch "White Christmas", an all time favorite of the both of ours, but mostly chatted (and cried) about life through the entire thing. We needed the conversation way more than we needed the movie.
[stevie is singing one of my favorite songs.....landslide! i love writing at coffee houses]
Then last night I met up with Thompson Street Room and had the most amazing night. Not because we did much of anything - other than eat far too much Mexican food - but we never needed to do much of anything to be happy. She always makes me laugh and we have the most fun singing our conversations, ripping on each other and just being together. She was the best roomie of all time. Maybe we both will get jobs in San Fran and be roomies again. Life would be divine. The beach and the vineyards on the weekends and yoga and wine on the week nights.
I am actually waiting for double-ex boy-friend to go to brunch. But I am staring at this beautiful "Ryan Atwood" look-a-like, wondering how I can slip him my number, hoping he doesn't misconstrue then the double ex boyfriend comes to pick me up. I have such a weakness for really attractive men - you are definitely one of those really attractive men. I bet I wouldn't like you as much if you weren't so handsome. That, my dear is the truth. Terrible, the truth is. Anyway, I doubt "Mr. Atwood" would be that into me considering he is meeting a bunch of dudes and they are talking about skiing. I do not ski. Oh but he is so cute. If nothing else I would look really cute in a ski-outfit.
I think the double ex-boyfriend would give it another shot. I have been mulling over that idea for the past 60 hours. There is a part of me that can see that happening. But mostly not. I want to spend the rest of my life composting, cooking and doing yoga (and wearing cute outfits, fuck - why I am so materialistic!!!). I am hardly interested in living a conventional life - unless of course, I want to. I am far too spirited and chaotic for him. Indecisive, dramatic, timid - yet bold and confident. Besides I doubt his very conservative family could ever accept me. And on some level I don't think he would either. Maybe it is just I wouldn't be able to accept myself in that situation.
OMG - this boy is so cute. Being single does have it perks!! Cute boys - hairy legs and early bed-times.
Anyway - double ex will be here soon. But I am thinking of you and for the first time I am really feeling okay with life. I guess good friends will do that for you.
Love
Wisconsin
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