maybe I could give these a try?!?!
[sigh] Not sure where to begin. The day has been long - in a good productive way.
Right now you are at Bobby's. I remember the night that I came to see you play for the first time. I got a little drunk. I was nervous because I liked you so much. It's funny how much I liked you and how little I knew you. Luckily for me the more I got to know you, the more I liked you.
Tonight in meditation we talked about being in the now, something I struggle with. As you know I am neurotic. Always worrying about something either in the past or the future. I miss out on so much of my life living that way. I am working on it though. We also talked about suffering, how often it is an opportunity to evolve. I like that perspective. And I am open to it.
I will admit something silly. There is this guy at meditation and for some reason I want him to be attracted to me. I don't like him, I don't know him - and I am certainly not attracted to him. But I want him to at the very least think I am pretty. I even put mascara and lip gloss on. AND combed my messy mane, putting it in two braids. I want nothing to do with him, you are the only man I want. But I didn't want him not to be attracted to me.....it's so silly. And completely egotistical. (by the way - he wasn't there tonight....waste of mascara and braids)
As you know, this break up is a huge blow to my ego. And I admit to being ego-maniac at times. I just feel so terribly hurt and humiliated that the reason we aren't together is you aren't attracted to me - you are not in love with me. It just makes me feel so unpretty - so self-conscious. Are you too hot for me? They say that you end up with someone the attractiveness level - am I not at your level?!?!? You say it's chemistry; "it's the pheromones". On an intellectual level I get it but it still fucking stings. It's just a massive blow to my ego. I think I am pretty. I wish you did too. More than that I wish you felt passion for me - I wish I consumed your thoughts and your heart like you do mine.
Oh - I heard through the grapevine a certain x- lady in your life is posting lots of extra messages on your FB account. That's annoying and when I found out my heart quivered and my blood ran icy hot through my veins. You had lots of passion with her - maybe she is your puzzle piece after all. If you try that puzzle piece again - just please, please, please, please PLEASE remember how much love you deserve.....don't give too much and make sure you are respected and appreciated. I love you and I don't want to see you suffer. By the way I don't think you would actually go back to her - but just in case I just want you to know I want you to be loved.
That's enough. Now I am sad thinking about her and the passion you shared together, that passion that you lacked for me.
Can you get a pheromone change? I should look into that :)
Love
Wisconsin
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