true.
Dear Pennsylvania,I think I am having a panic attack and I am blaming you. It's 12:20 - which isn't that late, however considering my new life it is.
My chest feels tight and nervous - kind of all quakey inside. I am doing breathing exercises but I don't know what good they are doing. I haven't been able to fall asleep lately. And I haven't been able to stay asleep either. I even took Kava in liquid form tonight. I don't drink caffeine and have cut down on sugar - no white flour.
I am stressing out about the dumbest things - what to bake for Christmas goodies, what to make my parents for Christmas, what I am going to wear when I see the college ex-boyfriend next weekend, what I am going to wear when I see Thompson next weekend. How I am going to have time to pack for the Florida trip we were supposed to go on together. I need a part time job because I need money. I need to figure out what the fuck I am going to do with my life post June. I feel like a terrible sister because Brother's project for his masters is being presented tomorrow and I barely have asked him about it. I want to make this tee-shirt for myself, but I don't know when I will have time to do it. I have to have lunch with my Gram tomorrow bc she is so lonely and we have to go grocery shopping and be back in time for One's online class. I just don't know how to juggle this all. It's all so new and everything seems so daunting. I feel like I suck at life. I feel like I am disappointing everyone.....I just don't even want to have to think about Christmas.
I just texted you. This just all seems so overwhelming to me. I haven't really had a day to myself since I got back. My mom wants to Christmas shop on Saturday - bake on Sunday.
I want to call you right now. But it's so late and I don't know if you are in Chicago. I need you right now. Because I am having a massive break-down and feeling so off course. You did this to me. I know you didn't mean to - but I wouldn't be here if we were still together.
Wisconsin
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