It's still Saturday. Two is tucked in bed upstairs reading her book hoping Kitty Quinn cuddles with her all night long.
I promised Two I would get her ears pierced so today was the big day. We went to the mall just like I did was I first got mine pierced. She was all set and picked out her earrings when the lady asked, "are you her mother?". No. "Are you her legal guardian?". No. "Well I am afraid I can't pierce her ears without her mother or father or legal guardian". Ugh. Poor Two. She just wanted to get her ears pierced without being reminded that her mother couldn't be there. I wanted to scream in that lady's face "NO - I am not her mother, her mother is dying - just let her get her damn ears pierced!" Next time we have to have a permission slip.
We went to get a girlie movie for our sleep-over. I stupidly picked out "The Secret Life of Bees" completely forgetting that the mom dies in the movie (and so does the aunt). Thankfully I remembered just as we were pulling in the drive-way. I don't want to shelter her from suffering but I want to be sensitive and let her be a kid. So we watched Home Alone 2 instead with popcorn and peppermint hot cocoa (of course!).
These kids will have to live the rest of their life being reminded that they lost their mother. It sucks. They are so young to learn that life is suffering.
I am tired because I managed to get myself out of bed to go to Zen service. It was really wonderful. Lots of gongs and bowing I could do without, but I had a chance to talk one on one with the teacher/(priest?). I asked about my over-inflated ego. She said something very helpful. Suffering comes from all the stories we make up in our mind (assuming we know what others are thinking or feeling). So I this week I am going to try to keep that in mind and ask myself, "do you know that for certain?" - because most often the answer to that is no.
She also shared a beautiful story about a whale who was trapped in dozens of fishermen's nets - here is the actual article. Read it.....
Sometimes you need to just accept that you need help from those you love to free from your own nets....and that is what community is for.
I miss you still. Maybe I won't tomorrow, doubt it.
Love you,
Wisconsin
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