Because I am pretty darn loveable:)

I am lucky to be in love with my best friend, just not lucky enough for my best friend to be in love with me. Better luck next time!

(this by the way is Jason Mraz singing with his fiance (and best friend))

Dear Pennsylvania,

I still can't quite bring myself to email you back. What's with that? I want to - I have so much to say and you are my favorite person to say it to. It's just something in me is holding me back. Maybe out of protest (which is immature). But it doesn't hurt you to be my friend - why should I have to hurt to be yours?

The thing is I am so sick and tired of you consuming my mind, so much so that I have stopped letting you consume my mind. You still creep in - a lot. Today in yoga I was thinking of you and how you would make the best dad - and how there is this part of me that still believes that we will have those babies someday, which is sooo FUCKED UP!!!! It's that place in my heart that just won't let go, equal parts delusional and hopeful. I just want to be over you.

WEIRD - I just checked my email and he wrote this 3 minutes ago (as I was writing this):

u ok? did my enthusiastic email piss u off or something? or is something else going on?

I just called him, he didn't answer. He isn't at work - I know this because I saw his gig got cancelled on Facebook (STALKER!!!). Probably for the better. As you can imagine I am now checking my email every 10 seconds to see if he responded. Pathetic.

The thing is I am okay. I really feel okay. I still miss you like crazy....you truly are my best friend. So that part sucks, a lot. But I some nights I don't even think of you. And my days are so consumed with the kids I don't have the time to be sad - and frankly I am not sad every waking minute. I have my moments, most of which are when I call you crying. I still get sick when I think of you with another girl. UGH. I am still madly in love with you, but you aren't in love with me. And that isn't any of our faults, it just is. It's unfortunate because the more distance I get from you the more I realize how important it is to find someone you are best friends with to share your life with.

But I want to find my best friend who I am in love with and who is in love with me back. Because I am pretty darn loveable:) I guess that's not you. Too bad dear. Too bad, because I love you a whole lot.

Love,

Wisconsin

PS

Double ex-boyfriend called me tonight. We are playing phone tag. He said he just wanted to chat.....hmmmmmm. Too bad I am in love with you my dear.