I can understand more clearly why you aren't "attracted" to me

I am learning to love myself more than I love you.

Dear Pennsylvania,

So I did the Five Tibetan Rites this morning and got so insanely nauseous - my mouth watered and I seriously thought I was going to puke. Meanwhile Three did them with me and she was good as gold - even doing more than 21 spins! Kids are so balanced. I guess I will try again tomorrow.

Another pretty good day, though it took me awhile to get back in the swing of things with the kids and school. I bought the yoga mat! I am soooooo excited to for it to come! I got the "balck beauty" supposedly it is the color of raspberry sorbet. I hope it looks more like beets. I love the color of beets! AND California and I are going down to Madison the 14th for that amazing Yin workshop I went to last year before I moved....with aroma therapy :) My new friend, Yoga Teacher (one of my actual yoga teachers) might come too. She is so incredible. I love her! It would be good for California to meet her too, because I know she struggles meeting like-minded people in her tiny conservative town.

OH! AND Yoga Teacher invited me on the 13th to lunch and then to get reiki work done!!!!!! I am so excited! I feel like I am meeting the nicest and coolest people. I also relate well to them because we are all Midwesterners at heart - yet don't live a conservative Midwestern life.

I feel like 2011 is going to be great. It is going to be about me finding my path. And honestly I think I am well on my way. I feel like I am destined to do something either in art or holistic healing - whether yoga, food, energy or herbs. Maybe I can combine everything. In any case I am really excited for this year.

I was thinking today in the car about how I can understand more clearly why you aren't "attracted" to me. I didn't have something that I loved and wanted more than you. I didn't really have something that nurtured me. Everything always revolved around us - mostly around you and your crazy schedule.

That's the thing I miss least about you. Your schedule. It literally drives me crazy. As much as I resist it I am a schedule type of girl. You are suffocated by routine, I thrive on it. We are terrible for each other in that way. We would have to work harder on that. You would have to be open to more of a routine. I would have to ease up.

My yoga routine is truly keeping me sane. I have never understood how grounding and rooting it can be until these past two months. I absolutely love it and know I will have it for the rest of my life wherever I go. I know you always encouraged me to practice but I was so stubborn because I felt like I was doing it for you. Now it is MINE. And I love it.

Hope you are having a wonderful day. You are at Bobby's right now. Don't drink too much vodka and drive home (I bet you miss me giving you shit about that!).

Love always,

Wisconsin