I miss the smell of your armpits.

I hope someday I get over you. Unfortunately I am not there yet.

http://tothepersoninthebelljar.tumblr.com/page/24

Dear Pennsylvania,

I really need de-friend Guitar Player's girl-friend. I couldn't help but look at the "valentine's day party" pictures. Honestly it looked kind of lame. And the curtains are hideous. Sorry. I can't stand that you wear that scarf all the time - and you are wearing it WITH the wool suit coat I picked out for you?! Since when do you accessorize? Are you metro now?

I am so relieved that we haven't talked. It makes things so much easier for me. Of course I still think you are the most handsome thing on the planet and I miss the smell of your armpits. Ugh. I wish you would gain 50 pounds because you are turning to food to fill the void I left behind. Then maybe I could get over you.

I am thinking about going to New York in March to visit Thompson Street room and co. C&E will have their new baby by then too. I would definitely want Peanut Butter and Shimmer and Spice to come out too. But I don't think I would tell you I was on your side of the country. Not unless I suddenly have Lady Gaga's abs, dye my hair blonde and feel sexier than you.

It's Valentine's Day tomorrow. Last year I got you that plant and you got me nothing. Shocking. You never did anything sweet and romantic for me. BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T IN LOVE WITH ME.....how can I forget? My best Valentine's Day ever was when Double-ex boyfriend flew in and surprised me just for the night! That was so romantic. He was really romantic. Note to self: my next boy-friend will be romantic. But who needs a boy-friend? I got chocolates and cheesey heart pencils for the kids. We are going to make a chocolate-peanut butter cheesecake and have nachos for dinner.

I saw Aunt today for the first time in a long time. It's so hard and uncomfortable. Her entire left side is lifeless. She is shrinking and drinks from a sippy cup like a child. The poor kids held a straw to her dry lips as she just laid there. She can barely talk, think or swallow. Yet she is so beautiful lying there in bed while the cancer is eating away at her body. At Church today (yes I went again to the Unitarian church) they talked about what happens after you die. I hope whatever happens releases Aunt from all her suffering.

Well (sigh).

I hope you had a good weekend. And I hope you DON'T have a Valentine. Because that would make me very, very sad.

Love,

Wisconsin