Dear Pennsylvania,
Well that conversation could not have gone better and completely took me by surprise. I am feeling so empowered and proud of myself. It has nothing to do with the content and everything to do with myself.
I didn't cry!!!! And instead of pining after you I instead truly realized how far I have come in the past couple of months and just how strong I am. I realized that for the first time in a long time I feel so fulfilled and passionate. That is because of One, Two and Three. Because more than anything I am passionate about family. That is because I am going to yoga and meditation and evolving as a person. I knew that, but to tell this to you my best friend solidified it. I have not been this settled and happy since who knows when. Certainly not in Philly!
I don't think that I can be truly passionate about anything other than love and babies right now. It just isn't in my biology. I think tonight I have come to accept that and more than that honor that. I will make an amazing mother and wife. That doesn't mean that I can't and won't seek out other interests or pursue a career. I am and will continue to. But I want to find my "soul mate" (for lack of a better term) to have a family with. So you better figure your shit out otherwise I will find someone who has their shit together. Someone who is madly in love with me. Who knows - you might end up the one broken hearted.
So now what? We have opened the door to conversation. Will we talk again? What does this mean?
Honestly right now I don't care. I am feeling so happy. Usually this is the case. I tend to get upset later upon reflection. I am certain that this conversation will eventually lead me to more confusion - possibly anger - possibly tears (especially because bad time arrived!). But for now I am just so darn proud of myself. In a way that was the first time I truly feel like I heard my voice in our relationship over yours. It felt so incredible.
So much more work to be done on myself.....imagine how much more amazing I will be in a month! Two months! Three months! A year! YOGA! YOGA! YOGA! LOVE!!!!! LOVE!!!! LOVE!!!!! PURPOSE!!! SELF-ACCEPTANCE!!! COMPASSION!!!! JOY!!!! FORGIVENESS!!!! EMPATHY!!!! PEACE!!!! LOVE!!!! These are the things I am cultivating and tonight I saw the growth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So guess what Pennsylvania! I love you but I love me more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rock on me! I know this is the cheesiest email but I don't care because I AM FEELING SO FULL OF JOY AND SO HAPPY TO HAVE REALIZED HOW STRONG I AM. I am finally friends with myself.
Love to me
Love to you
But more love to me.
Love
Wisconsin
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