I feel like tonight I fell out of love with you and fell in love with myself.

Or just fleeting feelings.

Time will tell.

Dear Pennsylvania,

I can't sleep. I feel like tonight I fell out of love with you and fell in love with myself. That is really exciting.

I remember when when I was going to therapy and I was talking about my insecurities about how you felt toward me way back in the day, he said "why would you even want to be with someone who isn't passionate about you?". At the time I was so weak, that question just felt offensive. But I finally get it. It's like a light bulb went on in a dark room and I suddenly see the truth. It's simple common sense......why would I be even attracted to someone who isn't attracted to me? It doesn't even make sense. It's silly.

So wow. I never thought I would be blogging about these feelings. I am so happy. Also a little sad that I am feeling at the moment very over you. I am so used to being so very into you. This whole thing just is so foreign to me.

They say you will only be as loved as you love yourself. Well guess what!? I love myself! It sounds so juvenile but yet it is so profound. It is going to change my world, perhaps it already has.

I don't want you anymore. If you don't want me - what's the point? You are my best friend. But I can find another one of those - he will be just as funny - and silly - and we will have just as much fun together. He will be crazy smart and creative. But he will be madly in love with me and want to get married and have babies and together we will spend the rest of our lives loving each other, laughing and trying to make the world a brighter place.

Besides you aren't ready for marriage and babies.

I wonder if I will feel like this tomorrow....and the next day? I wonder if these are just fleeting feelings or if I had an honest to goodness epiphany?