Tonight I don't so much miss you as I just miss someone.

I guess I will just hug myself. Not the same.

(flixya)

Dear Pennsylvania,

(HUGE sigh). What a long day. Between finishing my PC application (YAY I ACTUALLY DID IT!!), the kids, taxes, yoga and running across town to apply for a part time job I am wiped - and I am still recovering from everything.....we all are. I am sure they will be for years to come.

You know what really sucks about being single? I don't have someone to come home to for that everyday support. If I have a bad day - I have a bad day. No one is there to complain to at night. No one is there for hugs and laughs. No backrubs or cuddles or someone who wonders why you are late. It is just me. All my friends are busy with their boy-friends and husbands. Besides you don't call people just to complain about your day. Tonight and most all of last week I just wanted someone who I could break down and cry to. Because it's hard to be by yourself sometimes, especially when times are tough. I know I am learning so much in these last couple of months - especially week. But right now I just want to cuddle, mostly I just want to cry and for someone to tell me it will be alright - even if they have to lie. I wish it was you - but honestly I would settle for my cat at this point. Jesus. Just someone to make me feel like I am not alone. AND YES I KNOW WE ARE ALL ALONE. We were born alone we die alone. I get it. Leave your over-intellectualizing at the door. Because we humans are social creatures....we need love.

Tonight I don't so much miss you as I just miss someone.

I actually can't believe I didn't call you - well I did but you didn't answer. I am so much stronger than I thought I would be. I do wish I could call you to cry to, your advice and wisdom during all this would be wonderful. It's so much sometimes it's hard for me to process all. Sometimes I feel like I have to be stronger than I really am. Or perhaps I am forced to be as strong as I really am - but it's so tiring to use everything you've got. I could use a partner for my heavy lifting.

(another big sigh).

I wonder if I wrote to you that means I am taking a step-forward or back. I think I just want someone to talk to.

Love

Wisconsin